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What if I can’t be with the one I love?

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There’s someone out there, right now, that you care deeply about. Perhaps she or he is gone for a semester or a year or two. How do you deal with that?

Well, the first thing you can do is accept that you can’t change the way things are. The worst case scenario is your sweetheart is leaving to make a break-up easier. You will soon know if that’s the case. Or, more likely, your love is off to school/university in another city or to work in another country. This is an opportunity for you to see the distance as holding you together rather than pulling you apart. Yes, it’s a test of your love.

It can be painful at first. You’ll feel it most in the dark hours of the night.

So, how do you WORK IT to make it work?

Communicate, but not obsessively. Saying good morning and good night every day is a must. Try sending pics or voice notes about your day; make it interesting or creative, even if nothing much happened.

Stay honest Talk about stuff you’re feeling. Don’t bury your feelings or your fears. If you try to hide your insecurities, worries or jealousies they will swallow you up. Talk it out – you need to support each other.

Show the world that you care Commit your feelings on your partners social media walls. Like their pics or comments. It is a comfort knowing that your partner declares often and publicly that he/she loves you and misses you. It’s a commitment. When you post pics of where you are or what you’re doing, tag your sweetheart; say ‘wish you were here” publicly. It keeps them feeling involved in your life far from home.

Send gifts Whether it’s a surprise photograph or really funny and relevant emoji on your phone or an actual gift to be delivered, it’s the thought that counts.

Avoid dangerous situations If your partner knows you’re going out clubbing with a group of friends and alcohol is involved, be careful to tell your partner beforehand. Remember, your partner might be stressed out and feel powerless knowing you’re drinking and dancing and meeting new people. If you know that you get a little “flirty” after a few drinks, rather don’t go. You don’t want to wake up with life-changing regrets.

Try to avoid hanging out too often with the same person of the opposite sex. You might think it’s just an innocent coffee and chat but it could become more. Check in with your heart and your head. Do you want it to become more? Think of your distant partner; think of your love for each other and let that be the filter you use to find the answers.

Do things together Technology allows us to be creative with our time spent separated from our loved ones. We can watch movies together. We can go for walks at the same time, sharing real-time video. We can sing to each other on Skype.

Be positive Yes, it can hurt a lot sometimes when you’re apart for long periods of time. Try and focus on the good things, the little things. The last time you laughed together. The last picture you received or the last words of love and reassurance you shared. Be thankful for those small things and they will bring more positivity into your life.

Don’t overthink Don’t go digging up stats on the survival rates of “remote romances”. Just let it all go. Live your life. If you are meant to be together, you will both do what’s necessary. Don’t get lost in all the “maybe’s or what-ifs”. Trust in your love. And trust in each other. Communicate daily, with honesty.

But most importantly, love yourself every day; it will make you more loveable too.

 

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